Comeback: Thorpe

Former occasional swimmer Ian Thorpe has stormed to seventh place in his first race since returning to competitive swimming.

The Australian was taking part in the 100m individual medley at a FINA World Cup event in Singapore, having previously swum his last race back in February 2006.

29 year-old Thorpe finished the final in a time of 56.33 seconds, an improvement on his time of 54.74 from the heats, but still some way behind winner Chad Le Clos, the 19 year-old  South African, who finished first in 53.06.

However, it is thought the freestyle specialist will not be too concerned by his performance given that the event is not normally one in which he would compete. Attention is instead likely to focus on the upcoming competition in Tokyo, where Thorpe will race in his newly-favoured 100m freestyle for the first time since the announcement of his return to training back in February.

The six-time Olympic medallist is using the series of races as preparation for returning to the Australian Olympic swimming trials next year and then, should all go to plan, a place at the London Olympics.

If Thorpe fails to achieve his dream of an Olympic comeback it is feared he will have no option remaining but to return to his career as either a celebrity chef or a jewellery designer.

Gerald: Earlier

Ticket sales for the 2012 British Gas Swimming Championships and Olympic Trials have been thrown into disarray after the hamster used to power the ticketing website died suddenly.

Animal rights campaigners have already accused British Swimming of overworking the hamster, named locally as Gerald, in its attempt to satisfy potential tickets buyers, but senior officials have insisted the cause of death remains unknown.

With no hamster to provide power, many have found it impossible to access the website, though specialists at theticketsellers.co.uk are looking at using a rubber band until a new rodent can be found.

So far such this crushing ticketing disappointment is only available to those who pre-registered with organisers. Further problems are expected in the coming days when all members of the public will be given the chance to sit at a computer repeatedly pressing the refresh button.

Some of those hoping to take part in the have already expressed their disappointment. Olympian Thomas Haffield told The Wobbly Block (and anyone else who follows him on twitter) that he was ‘booking tickets for Olympic trials for my family, I think it would be easier for them to train, do the qualifying times and enter it instead.’

A spokesperson for British Swimming defended the whole process saying ‘Any criticism is completely misplaced. If there’s one thing British Swimming knows about, it’s how to operate a really great website. How could we possibly anticipate the level of demand? It’s not as if we could simply add up the number of people who had pre-registered with us?’ The spokesperson then went on to add ‘Obviously our thoughts are with Gerald’s family at this difficult time.’

Colin Brown, director of London Swimming and an expert in websites, unfortunately had no comment to make.

Evans: Above

An Australian man is being sued by Speedo after they arbitrarily declared that his bisexual, sex-fetish swimwear website was somehow not in keeping with the image the company wished to portray.

The Sydney Morning Herald has reported that New South Wales resident Dave Evans was contacted by the swimwear firm as a result of a number of websites he has created, including his spectacularly family-unfriendly AussieSpeedoGuy.net blog.

The company claim that the 24 year-old, who describes himself as having a ‘thing’ for Speedos, is guilty of trademark infringement and that it is seeking ‘protect the substantial and valuable reputation and good will associated with the name and trademark Speedo’ from the websites, many of which feature Speedo-themed pornographic activity.

In his defence Mr Evans claimed ‘They have been a major part of my sex life and sexuality’.

Fans of the site were also vociferous in their support, with one telling The Wobbly Block ‘He just set up a website showing a couple of good-looking blokes in Speedos – it’s not as if he’s a middle-aged woman who got caught having sex with a dog’.

Colin Brown, Director of London Swimming and an expert in internet pornography, unfortunately had no comment to make.

In need of a hand: Sun Yang

Concerns have been raised over the fitness of Chinese world swimming champion Sun Yang after one of his bionic arms malfunctioned.

At the World Aquatic Championships in Shanghai the 19 year-old recently broke Grant Hackett’s 1500m world record, previously the longest-held world record in swimming.

It has been suggested that the last 100m of that race, swum in 54.22, may have lead to the subsequent malfunction during a training session. The final 50m, completed in under 26 seconds, is thought to have been particularly demanding on the new, largely-untested technology.

There are concerns that some of the swimmer’s other cybernetic enhancements may now also fail, but the Chinese authorities have insisted all the remaining bionic technology is operating ‘within acceptable parameters’.

Sun has remained completely silent over the situation, but when asked what his goals were for 2012, he simply replied ‘Find Sarah Connor.’