Speedo unveils revolutionary new range of phrases

4 December, 2011

Fastskin3: Launched

Fastskin3: Launched

Swimwear manufacturer Speedo has launched a series of revolutionary new phrases which it claims will help propel elite swimmers to new levels of performance.

The phrases will enter the English language immediately and have been cleared by FINA for use in competitions from January 1st. Their  launch was also timed to coincide with the worldwide unveiling of the new Fastskin3 range of swimwear and equipment.

‘Revolutionary racing system’ was one of the first such phrases to be unleashed into the public domain. It was quickly followed by ‘full body passive drag reduction’, ‘Intuitive IQ FIT technology’, ‘anatomical marking system’ and ‘oxygen economy’.

However, the pioneers of swimwear technology were not finished, choosing to continue with ‘cohesive, hydrodynamic solution’, ‘innovative 3D Zoned Compression fabric system’, ‘Pulse-Flex Fabric‘ and ‘Body Stability Web‘. Finally, and quite clearly wishing to end things on a high note, they concluded with the beautifully subtle ‘Hair Management System‘ and the truly majestic ‘Armhole Entry system’.

It is hoped all will become common parlance in time for the London Olympics in 2012.

At as much as £435 for the complete set of costume, cap and goggles, ‘absolute bargain’ was certainly not one of the phrases heard at the launch events. However, a spokesperson for Speedo said the company did not give a ‘fully-integrated defecation expulsion scenario’ what ordinary swimmers thought of the price.