It’s Your Letters
Dear Sir,
Why is it that your shop sells lots of fun Men’s t-shirts but very few and relatively boring women’s ones?
Could it be that you’d rather see women without?
Yours fashionably,
L A Bizy
East Yorkshire
The Wobbly Block says:
Although it does say ‘Men’s Standard T-shirt’ the garments for sale at The Wobbly Shop are designed to be unisex and are available in a variety of sizes. They are purchased and regularly worn by women, with some success, but if you are in doubt I would suggest buying one just to be sure. And yes, we would always rather see women without their tops on.
Dear Madam,
Just the other day I was listening to the wireless. As I switched between Henry Kelly on local radio and the news, I was shocked to hear our so-called Prime Minister rabbiting on at some speech or other.
Mr Cameron, if that is indeed his real name, was talking about cutting government benefits and raising taxes. He specifically said ‘those with broader shoulders should bear a greater load’.
Why on earth would he single out swimmers in such a way?
Yours perturbedly,
Robin Nickson
London
The Wobbly Block says:
Good point.
Dear Sir,
I’ve been in a relationship for three years with a masters swimmer from London. She has a wooden leg. Do you think I should marry her, or break it off?
Yours expectantly,
Short Graham
Birmingham
The Wobbly Block says:
You can’t hurry love, no you’ll just have to wait. Love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take. What’s the name of her other leg?
Sir,
At the recent masters open meet at Haselmere, one of my heats was delayed because one of the other swimmers complained of a ‘wobbly block’. I felt compelled to write in to report this.
Yours informatively,
Sam
The Haselmere area (presumably)
The Wobbly Block says:
Many thanks for reporting this. We treat all complaints with the utmost seriousness. It might also be an idea to report it to the competition officials.
Dear Sir,
I note that the University of Tennessee has recently been particularly innovative in recruiting new members for their football programme (American football,not the kind of football where you use your feet).
Surely it is only a matter of time before swimming clubs utilise such tactics for their own benefit?
Yours hospitably,
S Gibney
Boston
Either Massachusetts or Lincolnshire
The Wobbly Block says:
Excellent idea. Such innovations could make training sessions a great deal more interesting.
Dear Madam,
I was very excited when I heard that relatively successful film director James Cameron’s latest cinematic epic Avatar was set in a far-off land where very tall, slim, athletic characters with well-developed shoulders walk around in very little clothing complaining about the Americans.
Along went I to my local multiplex with a spring in my step and a smile dancing across my lips. Imagine my disgust when, after donning the ubiquitous 3D glasses, I discovered the film had absolutely nothing to do with the Australian swimming team.
And why not?
Mr B Norman
Ealing
London
The Wobbly Block says:
We share your misery. Imagine our disgust when we discovered From Dusk Till Dawn was not a biopic of the life of Dawn Fraser.
Dear Sir,
Is it me or does Evgeny Korotyshkin, the new WR holder for the 100m fly (sc) look a lot like Mark Reynolds?????
Mr N Barnes
No fixed abode
The Wobbly Block says:
Well spotted sir – you might be onto something. There does indeed seem to be a visual similarity between multiple national masters freestyle champion Mark Reynolds and that other guy, whoever he is.
Korotyshkin and Reynolds: What do you think?
Dear Sir,
Why is it, that after an hour or two in the water, when we stand shivering in the queue for the showers, we ask a friendly looking showerer if we can ‘just get wet’ first before applying shampoo etc?
Mystified!
Helen
Troy
The Wobbly Block says:
What women get up to in the showers has always mystified us too. In fact, no matter how many hours of CCTV footage we watch, the actions of females in the changing room environment continue to confuse. We would suggest just doing what is done in all men’s changing rooms and try to express yourself through the medium of interpretive dance.
Dear Sir,
I recently purchased a new suit from my local Tesco supermarket. It doesn’t really fit properly and causes a strange itch down my right leg, but at less than £50 I think it’s quite a bargain.
However, I am concerned that it may not be approved by FINA for use in competitions. Can you let me know if it’s fine as it is, or do I need to cut off the trousers below the knee?
Thanks,
Mr S. Rose
Hemel Hempstead
The Wobbly Block says:
Unfortunately you will need to cut off the arms and the legs below the knee before you can compete. However, you’re right, less than £50 is a bargain.
Dear Sir,
Is it true the best swimmers are put out to stud when they retire? Or is that only in horse racing and football?
Yours hoping,
Miss M. Anderson
Skegness
The Wobbly Block says:
Maybe. Please email for details.
Dear Madam,
I have seen that golf has been added to the list of Olympic sports for the 2016 games. Does that mean that darts will be added in 2020? I hope so as I am able to drink 12 pints of ale in one night without passing out.
Cheers,
Mrs. A Tresilace
Macclesfield
The Wobbly Block says:
You win a speedboat.
Dear Sir,
Janna Callan from London Swimming clearly states in her email of 19th December 2008 that ‘a swimming club website should be about the athlete: swimming timetable, bettering the stroke, contact details, policies, events, motivation, the coaches, pricing etc’.
I am simply appalled that your website singularly fails to include any of the features clearly outlined above. I am also disgusted to see that it actively and openly discriminates against an important minority of the population: specifically those with absolutely no sense of humour.
What do you think this is? Some kind of joke?
Yours disgustedingly,
Ms J. Callan
London
The Wobbly Block says:
Sorry about that. In future we shall try to live up to the extraordinarily high standards set by the British Swimming website.
Dear Jim,
Please, please, please could you fix it for me to swim under a minute for 100m backstroke?
Yours sincerely,
Mr D. Gelb (aged 28¼)
Finchley
The Wobbly Block says:
Now then, now then. No.
Monsieur,
J’espere que, dans ce nouveau site internet que vous venez de creer, vous allez bien arreter de me designer comme ‘francais’. Malgre mes liens assortis avec ce pays, cette desgination n’est ni juste ni correcte.
J’espere que vous allez vous conduire plus justement a l’avenir.
Avec mes meilleurs sentiments.
Monsieur D de la MacCreadie
Le France
Le Wobbly Block dit:
Nous ferons tous nos efforts a ne pas repeter cet erreur. Merci de votre patience et de votre comprehension.
Dear Sir,
I wish to communicate with your website. Please can you tell me how I go about doing so?
Best wishes,
Mr T. Maul
Orkney
The Wobbly Block says:
Simply use our Contact Us page. We promise to reply to most of the communications we receive.
Dear Sir,
At my local swimming baths it is requested, by way of conspicuous signage, that all patrons shower before entering the water.
I have showered, but not this calendar year. Could that be why the other swimmers pay such dedicated attention to me?
Your advice is most welcome.
Yours faithfully,
Wing Commander A. P. Rogers (Retired)
Lakenheath
The Wobbly Block says:
Yes.
Allwight!
Previously I was employed as Pool Consultant for UptheBeavers. I don’t have much work on at the moment so I was wondering if I could pick up where I left off?
Allwight at the back,
Mr M. Barrymore
Harlow
The Wobbly Block says:
Buggered if I know.
Dear Deidre,
My boyfriend says he is in love with me, but he has a child from a previous relationship. He visits the mother of his child four times a week and often stays the night. I told my neighbour about this and she insisted I start a relationship with her to get back at him. We have been doing this for the last month and now I realise I have feelings for my neighbour. She says she feels the same way but wants her husband to join us in bed. I am fine with this but he is more interested in my boyfriend.
Should I start a racing dive with my feet together as a grab start or apart as track start?
Thanks,
Mrs R Polatso
Crewe
The Wobbly Block says:
The middle one.
Dear Sir,
I know what you’re up to.
Lots of love,
Mr C. Brown
London
The Wobbly Block says:
Well you do know everything.