Three weeks and still no British Nationals

Empty: Ponds Forge

There is still no sign of activity more than three weeks after the British Gas Swimming Championships were set to commence in Sheffield.

The annual event at the Ponds Forge International Sports Centre usually attracts the very best swimmers that Britain has to offer, but this year not even a single overzealous official has been seen. So far nobody the venue has been able to offer an explanation.

The competition had been predicted to have added importance with the World Championships taking place later this year in Shanghai and the London Olympics being little over a year away. In recognition of this significance, The Wobbly Block dispatched over thirty of its best journalists to cover proceedings in unprecedented, round-the-clock detail. Unfortunately, the total absence of action has left them with nothing more to do than test the boundaries of the unlimited breakfast buffet at the Sheffield Hilton.

Despite unfounded rumours of excellent swimming from the likes of Dame Rebecca Adlington and Fran Halsall, little has actually been happening beyond clubs local to the South Yorkshire area conducting training at regular intervals. The only other formal aquatic activity to take place was an aqua aerobics session, but even that may have instead just been an organised outing for the morbidly obese.

Sadly, such obvious journalistic dedication only lead to further disappointment when it was announced that the BBC, and not The Wobbly Block, had won the rights to broadcast British Swimming events for the next four years.

Colin Brown, director of London Swimming and an expert in broadcasting, unfortunately had no comment to make.