3D swimming: Glorious

It has been announced that this year’s British Gas ASA National Masters and Senior Age Group Swimming Championships will be available in glorious 3D.

Following Sky TV’s decision to broadcast selected football matches in 3D, a spokesperson for the Amateur Swimming Association of Swimming Federations of Great British Swimming (ASASFGBS) issued a statement from Loughborough confirming the good news for both swimmers and their fans alike.

‘Anybody who turns up to Ponds Forge in Sheffield to watch the masters will be able to sit in the stands and watch them in all three dimensions.’ said the spokesperson.

In previous years some masters swimmers have commented that by the Sunday morning their picture would ‘become very fuzzy’, but nobody from the ASASFGBS was able to comment on whether this would still be the case this year.

When asked if spectators would need a 3D compatible television the spokesperson cryptically answered ‘Let me be very clear that, for health and safety reasons, nobody should bring a television to a swimming pool.’

Love: Cannot actually build a bridge

Plans for the Commonwealth Games in Delhi have been heavily criticised just days before the first athletes were set to arrive.

Building work delays, flooding, fears over security, the state of accommodation and a risk of Dengue Fever were all reported to be causes for concern. The collapse of a bridge near the main stadium failed to allay people’s doubts.

Members of the Scotland team described the athletes’ village as ‘unsafe and unfit for human habitation’. Critics of the facilities were less kind with New Zealand chef de mission Dave Currie even suggesting the Games may have to be cancelled.

Lalit Bhanot, secretary general of the organising committee, did his best to calm fears by explaining that complaints could be due to ‘cultural differences’.

‘Everyone has different standards about cleanliness. The Westerners have different standards, we have different standards.” he astutely suggested. He would not be drawn on whether or not everyone also has different standards about bridge safety.

Mr Bhanot had previously claimed the athletes’ village would be ‘better than Beijing’. It is now assumed he meant ‘better’ strictly in terms of geographical proximity to his own house.

On a more positive note, the Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall have confirmed they will attend the Commonwealth Games opening ceremony.