Builders: Successful

With less than 1000 days to go until the Olympics, the roof has been raised on the London Aquatic Centre.

The £300 million structure has been designed by leading architect Zaha Hadid and will accommodate up to 17,500 spectators for all the swimming, diving and synchronised swimming events, along with the water polo finals. It will also host the swimming discipline of the modern pentathlon where competitors swim their events on top of a horse while shooting at targets.

In 2004 plans for a roof over the Olympic pool in Athens were controversially abandoned. In contrast, and in spite of the cost quadrupling, a roof for the London venue was widely regarded as ‘essential’ in order to protect the competitors from the wind, rain, sleet and snow that the organisers expect to see during the month of August.

Once finished the facility will accommodate two ten-lane 50m swimming pools, a 25m diving pool and a diving tower.

‘We have completed one of the most complex engineering challenges on the Olympic Park.’ said a spokesperson for the Olympic Delivery Authority. ‘All we need now is two ten-lane 50m swimming pools, a 25m diving pool and a diving tower. Oh – and some water. I always seem to forget that last bit.’

Phelps: Naked

Swimming legend Michael Phelps has talked about the changes all competitive swimmers face when new rules are introduced in 2010.

The American was speaking at the short-course World Cup in Stockholm, Sweden, where many competitors are making the most of the final months before a wide range of swimming suits are banned.

From 1st January next year only suits made entirely of textiles will be allowed, while those produced from polyurethane, silicone, titanium, tweed or asbestos will be outlawed. In addition to restrictions on material, the size will also be tightly controlled with men’s attire not allowed to extend past the knee or the waist.

Despite the new rules not yet coming into force, Phelps has chosen to compete in Stockholm wearing jammers. However, as a result of his decision, the 14-time Olympic champion has failed to even reach the final in three separate events.

‘It’s something we’re all going to have to get used to wearing in the next six weeks. It’s good for me to start now. I’m wearing the suit that I will be swimming in for the rest of my career. It was time to get used to it.’ said Phelps in reference to the jammers, after astutely observing ‘you kind of feel almost naked on top’.

Training: Aids

Rumours surfaced at the recent National Masters Championships of a highly effective and virtually undetectable performance enhancing substance that many believe to be entirely responsible for the glut of records and personal best performances witnessed in Sheffield.

The new substance, known as ‘training’ has been scientifically proven to enhance swimming performance, but currently remains completely undetectable in both urine and blood tests.

‘There have definitely been murmurs in the changing rooms about this.’ said one swimmer on condition of anonymity. ‘I’ve heard people say that they are doing it six or seven times a week and that they’ve never swum faster’.

‘It’s just unethical.’ the informant complained. ‘I mean how are we supposed to have a level playing field if some people are doing “training” so much? I’d much rather just spend £99 on an LZR, then it’s all above board’.